reflections

since a blog is suppose to be a pseudo diary,
here are some of my entries, the latest being just a few minutes ago and the oldest being during my first year
time & experience certainly counts for a lot, n'est-ce pas?

Le 29 Mai 2010, 10.36 pm
Hello its been awhile since I've written anything in here. Well, not really, but my last post was about convertible bonds!!! Very interesting, non ;p
Anyways, in quite a short time, a LOT has changed.
Namely, my feelings - deep within me, towards people, my outlook on life!
It boggles the mind, that! How can it be? But I guess thats the beauty of life - why watch a movie when your own life is a novel?
I wish mine was a fairy tale, or rather, a romance novel ( much more explicit! he he he)
But instead of the suspense, I'd just like me a serving of happy endings, please! Oh sure, bits of drama here & there to keep things interesting but c'est tout!
Next Friday is going to be my last paper for undergrad.
I want to say I'm happy, but I dont know - theres no feelings at this point in time
I DO know that its going to be another TWO months before I go back home, and I DO have feelings about THAT!
To put it quite eloquently, BOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Oh well, distance makes you stronger now doesnt it, and what does that tell you about me if i give up at the very first sign of hardship?
I am a strong, matured, graceful young lady (boo ;p) and I can do so much better than that!
But there is an internal dilemma I am facing
One that I am unable to put into words here due to the obvious lack of privacy this book has ( really, I let any Tom, Dick, or Harry open it! ) But you know what I am talking about my love - you are me! :)
Une part, I would like some answers, fast.
D'autre part, I would rather be kept ignorant if I can continue to live in this coccoon of bliss.
But that is noway to live life,so - je ne sais pas! je ne sais pas!
Oh well, I'm not going to get my questions answered within one night
So, we shall see, I'll keep you updated my love because, really,
How can I keep anything from you? :)

Le 13 Septembre 2009, 23.49 pm
The time is as I have written and we are currently in Delicious, having a little late night dessert.
I wouldnt say I'm restless but I'm not exactly content
Im reading the Time Traveller's Wife now and I must say, it has somewhat changed my perspective of life
What if I were Claire? What if I were Henry?
What if my time was limited? What if I only get fragments of moments?
Would I appreciate it more?
Maybe it would make me a better person, maybe it would make me street savvy (comme Henry)
What ifs?
Its all so very stressful if you think about it, truly

Le 11 Septembre 2009, 05.30 am
I feel like writing something but I dont know why
I have all these thoughts running through my head & there isnt one in particular I would like to write down
Sometimes I am filled with ennui over this current day & age - people of old are so much more eloquent & understand the joys of a neatly turned phrase
The method of wooing par exemple - the witty banters between a lady and a gentleman
Do tell if such cleverly spoken phrases and subtle seduction methods exist anymore in our truly modern world?

Le 29 Mars 2009, somewhere on a plane between London and Malaysia
I've decided that sleeping on the plane is like sleeping together with all the random people - before my husband ever gets the pleasure of gazing upon my face in its slumberous state, all these people get that opportunity first! Joy galore.

Le 31 Decembre 2008, a few minutes to midnight
Eating waffles with Ilya, Syafea & Hud at Cafe Vergnano 1882
Not long now till New Years! Here are my resolutions:
1. To be more religious - yassin every Thurs, puasa often, MENTALLY
2. TRY not to miss classes unless desperate ( study more obviously )
3. Lose 18 kilos
4. Be more tolerant of others. Nicer, as well
5. La vie en rose! Experience the joys of life!
6. Be true to myself. Daring, adventurous, Try New Things! Do something unbelievable
7. Pee in a an authentic chateau/castle/palace
8. Meet someone unforgettable - femme ou garcon
9. Have a trip just with ibu, spend more time together
10. Fall in love

Le 20 Septembre 2008
Iam SO bored with life right now
I wish that raya would come early so we can get on with the celebrations!
I feel this insane,insane,insane need to travel that is eating me up inside!!!
I wish I could just pack my bags and jet off somewhere EXOTIC!!!
youwould not believe how much pleasure I get just thinking of the possibility -
Its borderline orgasmic!!!

Le 5 Juillet 2008, 9.35 pm
What people never understand is, I can never go anywhere without my basic necessities
So what if my bag is extra large
Its MY burden, not YOURS
To be honest, no one actually said that to me yet, but im just preparing,haha
Trip to Redang commencing @ 2330 hours and so what if Im excited :)

Le 16 Avril 2008
SInce first purchasing this diary?notebook? this is my very fist entry and to be honest, I have no idea what to write and my hand feels wierd writing since its so used to typing!
Would you believe I'm nearly finished with my first year @ uni!!!
Aaarrghh its crazy and I still have another 2 to go,
at the same time im looking forward to it but its a bit sad that as Daria & Monica wont be here!!!
And everything that has happened this year is a bit wiiierd!
Its like im living a dream life, like its not reality, funny
Who would have thunk all the things has happened as they have & what would the other years bring?
Im hoping it would be just as amazing :)
I think this year has really changed me as a person, in all ways!
And I like who I am now, I feel like Im a more confident me& this studying abroad thing has worked for the best :)
Life is funny that way..
Anyways i have no idea what to write so I'll end this post now but hopefully there will be more posts in the future with even more happier memories & wild antics!
And wonderful, experiences that would make me a better, confident, mature,amazing person!!! :))
Kisses!!!


Ah, youth
Truly, that many exclamation points does NOT become a person
I miss the old me, she was so enthusiastic you could practically see the sparkle in her eyes
Today, cynicalness and jadedness have taken over
Booooooooo *thumbs down*

Ten Things That are Currently on My Mind.

...Or maybe the list should be called The Ten Things That Plague My Mind When I Should Rather Be Sleeping

10. Why am I taking the time to write a blog post when I know that tomorrow brings another long day of studying, specifically, for that 24 hours monstrosity they call an exam which brings us to

9. How the hell am I suppose to study for THAT?! It is an unheard of concept created by sadistic lecturers merely for the pleasure of torturing young, eager minded students. I shan't be a part of it. I shan't! I shan't! I shan't! I am breathlessly awaiting the days when exams will be over because

8. Studying will be a thing of the past. Well, maybe not the past but the far distant future! And I can look forward to several trips gallivanting across Europe [ I say Europe, but really, just Paris and Prague ] and North American territories! [ Canada, c'est tout ] However, now I'm worried about

7. My weight! Or really, just my body. Summer is here and being friends with naturally tiny people, I have the problem of looking like a giant whenever I stand beside any of them. It is a thing that annoys me to my wit's end! Another thing that annoys me is

6. The constant drama present in my daily life. Now, normally, I thrive on drama. I am of the opinion that without drama, life would be excessively boring. However, drama, in this current time , what with exams closing in on all corners, is very much a nuisance. I would rather not bother with it and worry over more important things like

5. I am turning twenty three this year !!! Another two years and I can't even refer to myself as being in the early twenties. Instead, I'll be in my LATE twenties. And how ridiculous is that word. Late. Pooh, I spit on it! The word brings to mind all sorts of negative connotations. Late for a flight, late for an exam, late for your menses. Although, in some cases, that last one could be a good thing because it implies that you are

4. PREGNANT! Now,I wouldn't say I would like to be pregnant but the thought of babies have been running through my mind quite a bit these days. Adorable babies, fat babies, Asian babies, baby names. It boggles the mind because, really, i should be thinking, first, about

3. Marriage! And yes, this takes us back to the age issue now doesn't it? I am nearly twenty three and marriage does not even seem like a possibility in the near future while most of my friends are, either in a stable relationship, married, producing offsprings [ babies! babies! ], or have produced a few already! I tell you, if they all get married, the only option for me is to

2. Move to France! Or Italy. I've always dreamed of living abroad in another country, of having my own studio apartment and becoming a woman of the world. But somehow, this desperate need to live in a foreign country has started to subside within me. I find myself missing my home country more and more. Could it be because I now feel the importance of having stability in one's life? Or maybe because I'm beginning to miss my friends and family which brings us to

1. Ma mère, who is currently in London. Could it be this midnight musing is a result of her being so close, and yet so far. Or maybe its because of this built in need within me to blog excessively whenever exam seasons begin. And what do you know folks, this takes us back to number ten on my list. Why am I blogging when I really should be sleeping???

And with that,
I think I shall bid you adieu before my mind takes another spin
The deep musings can wait
Rome wasn't built in a day and I highly doubt that my concerns could be solved within that time frame as well

So, until we meet again
[ I have a feeling it will be pretty soon ;p]


BONNE NUIT!